What is mindful sexuality?

Mindful sexuality is very difficult to define because it is an experience.  It is an art by itself.  We cannot find mindful sexuality in a book.  We have to practice it actively to get it.  It is an experience that “we become” if it makes any sense to you.  In some way, it has a poetry in itself.  We have to be committed to Mindful Sex, to experience it.  Mindful sexuality is like love.  Many people feel it but cannot really explain it.  We cannot scientifically prove love.  Nor can we prove what is mindful sexuality.  Mindful sexuality is what wise intimate connection is all about.  It is the practice of sexuality with “deep presence”.  It is the ability to fully be in one’s body during any sexual activity – at the very least most of the time…  In some point of view, everything can be seen as sexual because we are all a product of “XX” or “XY”.  Mindful sex is sexuality in full conscience.  It makes the individual savour every bit of variation of energy and connection, sexuality and sensuality can bring.  In mindful sexuality, we are strong enough to bring our vunerabilities to the surface as an offering.  Not everybody will delight in mindful sexuality.  Some people find it too complicated.  Others find it simple because it is so honest and so “in the now”.  And at the same time, it builds the future!  Mindful sexuality is not usually practiced by beginners.  One cannot only want “fast food sex” and learn about mindful sexuality.

Mindful sexuality is one of the part I love the most in my field of study.   It is like going back to the origin of tantric sex for serious seekers.  We can find lots of serene adventurers, funny creators, witty individuals, in the group of serious sexually mindful seekers.  Mindful sexuality is like a spiritual experience.  It is not about proving anything to anybody.  It is just and only, solely, “the good old, responsible, serene, deep, wise, creative, funny, connected, grounded, in-the-moment” sexuality.

Many people may find the next statement “shocking” because they never experienced it so therefore cannot even start visualizing it as possible:  in mindful sex, many of the “older timers” can even equate their sexual “orgasms” with their meditative “deep transe”.  Yep, when we have reached a certain level of experience in mindfulness, whichever form it takes for us, and we get in this mindfull state during the practice or use of sexuality, we very often get a place of “nirvana” that would not be in anyway possible otherwise for us.  I have been told numerous times that even drugs (legal or not), would never give the depth that mindfulness would bring sexuality into, be it by masturbation or by any form of human sexual encounter.

Our professors at the Department of Sexology often said that there were numerous reasons to use sexuality.  Mindfulness is one of them.  Our professors kept saying that some people will use sexuality like they consume food:  some will always do it the fast food way.  Some will starve themselves sexually.  They also stated that other people will use their sexuality as they will go taste a very good wine or delight in a classy meal: they will take time to savour every single bite as much as they can.  These individuals can also make it an experience that will embrace the whole preparation of the meal and will also enjoy that part.  Like some people will never put a foot in a fancy restaurant, some people will never delight with the whole language of the intimate and intricate sensuality of their body.  For most of us, mindful sexuality cannot be practiced all the time.  No more than almost all of us can ONLY eat in fancy restaurants.  A good balance of mindful and more typical sexuality is probably more reasonable, when it comes to practice sexuality in our era!  But I still think we can reach for the best we can 🙂